"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
