omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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