I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
