A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
