Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
