Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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