I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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