I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
