He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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