Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
