dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
