Too much gin, very little bucket
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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