I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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