I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
