I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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