the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
