im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
