don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
