Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
