im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
