Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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