I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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