never play flip cup with pint glasses
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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