I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
