Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
