dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
