I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
