That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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