you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
