Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize