He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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