Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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