Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
