he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
