What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
