Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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