Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
