I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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