if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
