So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
