Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize