I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
