His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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