Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
