Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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