You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
