Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Randomize
