why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm getting married
To pizza
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
