you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
