i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
