Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
