I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
