shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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