At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
