i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
