he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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