The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
