Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
