You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
