bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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