Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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