she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
