you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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