When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
