I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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