if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
