porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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