I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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