Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
